Every parent has, at one time or another, been completely caught off guard by a “difficult question”, dun, dun, dun. You know the type, “Mom, what happens when we die?” or the classic, “Where do babies come from?” Sometimes you panic and blurt out way too much information, and sometimes you may clam up completely, especially if the subject is something you yourself are uncomfortable with. Whether it’s happened to you yet or not, rest assured, it will. Kids are supposed to ask questions, it’s how they learn about the world. If you are prepared with a plan beforehand, you will be able to handle the situation with a thoughtful response rather than a panicked reaction.
Here are some guidelines for preschool aged children:
1. When you get a tough question, listen for what the child is really asking. Ask your own questions to clarify.
Don’t rush to answer. Pause and ask for clarification, which buys you time to choose your words carefully. It also stops you from answering the wrong question. Ask a simple question back to your child: “Why are you asking?” “What would you like to know more about?” “Where did you hear about that?”
2. Give them facts, but at a pace they can manage.
It’s important to understand that children process information in small doses. Give a little bit of information, then stop. If the child wants to know more, they will tell you. They may want to revisit the subject later, once they have processed the information you’ve given. Young children also move on from subjects pretty quickly. They may be done talking about the subject before you are!
3. Don’t be afraid to postpone the discussion if you are mentally unprepared.
“This is an important question, and I’d like a little more time to give you an answer. Can we talk about this tonight after dinner?” This is a good response to have up your sleeve for complex issues or any time a question catches you off guard. It’s also OK to tell your child that you don’t know the answer, but that you will find out and let them know.
Age appropriate books are a great way to help guide the conversation and provide additional information. Read the book together, and then leave it somewhere where your child can read it again by themselves.
4. Follow up.
For serious or complex questions, it can be a good idea to follow up with your child. “Remember when you asked me about _________? Did you think of any other questions about that?”
Or maybe you don’t like the way you initially answered your child’s question. Don’t worry, you can go back and try again: “I am thinking more about what you asked, and I’d like us to find out more of the answer together.”
Talking together about complex, and even uncomfortable subjects, is an opportunity to deepen your connection with your child. Knowing that you are there to listen to them is a very valuable part of the parent/child relationship. You want your child to know that they can talk to you about anything.
Source material:
https://www.npr.org/2019/02/28/698304854/when-kids-ask-really-tough-questions-a-quick-guide